I need to stop coming to work sober
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
