yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
