I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
