i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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