I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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