all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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