3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
