It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
