I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
