nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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