why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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