she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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