and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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