Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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