there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
