how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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