I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
