She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
