You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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