i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
