I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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