You're my little dorito
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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