i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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