Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
