I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
