:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
