Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
