Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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