I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Come see our sink grown plant.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
