A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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