he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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