You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize