Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
