I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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