she woke up with a sticky ear
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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