i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
