I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
