I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
