I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
