You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
