We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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