uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
