You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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