it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
