How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
