i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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