you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
