he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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