she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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