hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
