I am in a vortex of obligation.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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