yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
