i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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