I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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