remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
They are going to name an STD after you.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
