I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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