Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
