I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
