My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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