I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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