who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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