Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
