I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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