How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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