I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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