I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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