Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
