one two three fourrrrnication!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
