she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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