I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
